Agonize Thy Brother
by InDaHood
Summary: After an encounter with Johnny-wannabe Jimmy, Jason breaks into Dick's apartment. Based off of Traumatize Thy Neighbor, except more...eh, Jason like.


Dick had returned to his apartment in Bludhaven after a particularly exhausting night of patrol. All he had wanted to do was collapse on his bed and rest in the arms of deep sleep. That's what he had planned to do, anyways. For thirty minutes he dozed fitfully, and when he finally managed to nod off, the sound of glass shattering and soft, yet coarse curses startling him out of his stupor.

Shit, was he being robbed? Dick pushed himself up with a stiff roll of his shoulders, swinging his legs over the side of his bed. He shuffled through his closet in the dark, feeling for a broom handle-just in case.

He crept to the kitchen window, eying the damage. Because he kept little night lights everywhere, in every room of his apartment, he could also see a thin trail of blood leading to his bathroom, and inevitably, to angry scuffling noises. Dick's bloodshot eyes narrowed, readying to strike with his equipped broom if push comes to shove. Shrugging away any trepidation, he peeked through the bathroom door, which was the brightest lit room in the apartment, currently.

A clattering sound echoed from the floor, which revealed to be scattered with his personal grooming utensils. Razors, bottles of hair gel and cologne, even his wigs and hair bows (don't ask) were thrown to the lonely, tiled floor. "Where the FUCK is the bactine?!"

Dick flung the door open, his flustered face greeted by...oh shit. "Jason, what the fuck are you doing in my bathroom?"

Jason whirled around, took his red helmet off, and promptly threw it to the ground, revealing his mask-less green eyes, which probably only saw colors of reds and violets. His face was scratched up like a cat had mauled him, and his shoulder was bleeding profusely. "Sorry to intrude on your humble abode, but I'm in need of medical attention!" He roared.

Dick pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why didn't you just go to the hospital, Jay?"

"I hate hospitals! And don't call me that!"

"Have you ever thought to use the door?"

"Have you ever thought that it was locked?"

"You could have knocked. Hell, you could've done anything other than smashing through my window at five thirty in the morning,"

Jason huffed indignantly, crossing his arms and avoiding eye contact. "Look, where is your fucking bactine? Some of this blood is mine,"

"Take your jacket off,"

"What?"

"Take it off!"

"Like hell I will!"

Dick sighed despairingly. "I know for a fact you're hiding a shoulder wound," Dick began, "so take your jacket off and let me dress it,"

"Wait, so you want me to get undressed? Fuck you!"

"Jason! That isn't what I said!"

"Then what did you say?"

"I'm going to dress your shoulder wound,"

"Dick, I don't know where you got the idea that I'm suddenly your fuckdoll, but listen to me and listen carefully; at first I didn't want to tell you that I was suffering from a shoulder wound, because this guy-he walked up to me, and he was like, he was like, 'come meet me out back and suck me off, and I'll give you enough money for dinner tonight,' so, so I said, I said 'no way hogspotter,' and I jumped him. I was a little god to drunk so I didn't mess him up much, but he put up a helluva struggle. Scratched me up like a cat on crack, and stabbed me! I guess-" Jason hiccuped, " I guess nothing brings the zest in life like the thought of your impending death, huh? He liked to call himself Mmy, instead of Jim. Ugly motherfucker too. So long story short, I don't wanna play dress up, and I never will," Jason concluded, almost slamming into the counter.

If it weren't for Dick supporting him enough to stand, his head would've met the ground pai fully. "Jason, I told you-I'm trying to clean up your wounds," Dick tried again.

Jason grumbled something unintelligible under his breath as Dick tossed him of the couch.

It wasn't until Jason passed out (Dick didn't know if it was from blood loss of being drunk off his ass) that Dick could properly tend to Jason's wounds. The asshole had robbed him precious time, that he could be using to sleep, so imagine how bitter Dick was to seeing Jason sleep. Fitfully, but he still slept.

When Jason groaned, "I will ride your ear until you cannot have children if you don't shut the fuck up," Dick's exhaustion dictated his temper, and likewise his humor.

"Jason, go home, you're drunk," he teased.

Jason's eye cracked open. "Remember that time you and your friends all got drunk together? No? That's because you have no friends,"

"Damn Jason, you're hateful," Dick whined, attempting to sound melodramatic.

"Trust me, Dickhead," Jason growled, "I would rather masturbate with a javelin to tuberculosis porn than lie here and listen to you bitch,"

"Just wait until the morning,"

"I wish a cheerleader would slam you in the eye socket, you chicken fucking dirtbag,"

"Okay, Jason, seriously. Go to bed,"

"Oh, fuck no. You go to bed. Don't forget to gargle a can of cockwater though,"

"Jason!"


End file.
